What a week so far! Although I kept my weekend fairly mellow, my company party kicked off what is a fairly exciting/booze filled week. Our party was on Tuesday and started at fucking 6pm, so yeah, everyone started drinking pretty early. Our managers thought it would be fun to divide staff into teams that would participate in games to collect points and win prizes. We started with a scavenger hunt in Times Square that made me want to shoot myself, so I kinda stopped caring about games after that. I kept getting vodka soda from the office instead of the beer and wine that was offered, so I was feelin’ pretty good. Then…the beer pong tables came out. Everyone at this point also had enough to drink to start getting loud and dancing and having fun. It was a blast! Our team definitely didn’t place first during the duration of my time there (and I was also hitting my wall after drinking for about five hours) so I left before making any more of an ass out of myself.
I was denied entry to a bar I had cabbed with some coworkers to, but that’s probably because my boss had given me two large bottles of vodka that were just sticking out of my purse. Hahaha. Good night for sure. Yesterday, I spent the day in with a doordash delivery from one of my favorite vegan diners and nursing a mild hangover. I mustered up the energy to attend David Duchovny’s band’s show at Gramercy Theatre and had a great time catching up with a friend of mine, geeking out with coworkers and in awe of Duchovny’s stage presence. He got down during one song and went through the crowd. He ended up touching me and winking at me and I couldn’t hear what he said but I freaked out regardless. I thought that was my Duchovny encounter for the evening and I was content with that, but then my wonderful coworker blessed me with the opportunity to nab a photo with him and a small chat and I just about fucking DIED.
It was stupid warm for New York yesterday; enough to wear thigh high boots and shorts so that’s exactly what I did. I was in a great mood, I had a great night running solo and I decided to visit the local bar down the street from me for a nightcap. I ended up talking to someone who has some serious connections at a venue I’m trying to get work at, so he passed along his info to me and I forwarded him my work experience. Something about all of the choices I made yesterday just seemed to work out for me and I’m hoping to find more luck with each passing day.
Today’s weather is far less enjoyable and I have spent most of it indoors. I’m pretty burnt out already from all of my outings, but I really want to see Iron Reagan and Power Trip tonight and have been waiting for this show for a hot minute. After tonight, I’m gonna curl back up in my little hermit hole for a few days and for most of next week. The drinking/depressant portion I feel the next day has hindered my creative side and while I can manage to make my meals and exercise and get “productive” things out of the way, I find myself lacking energy to sit and draw. I just get so anxious when I go out and being around people that drinking is kind of the only thing I know how to do in those settings. Sigh.
Really missing Kilgrave hard and it hurts. Today would have been a great day to be curled up with him and watching cartoons, but honestly that’s like every day. I really hope the next few months pass by quickly.
I am going to make a list of things I want to accomplish for this month that will include some self-care and things I tend to brush to the side. I’m hoping it will help me and steer me away from drinking. I also really want to take this month to focus on me truly being alone and as far away from the idea of dating as possible. While I can’t deny the universe working some weird wizardry and possibly dumping some ideal person in my lap when I least expect it, I’m definitely not going to seek it and I may put it on hold. I am still not doing so great when it comes to saying no to things I already don’t feel that comfortable doing and I want to be able to.
I have been smoking way too many cigarettes lately which I would also like to quit all over again. It’s another thing that is easier to ditch when alcohol isn’t present. I must find balance between going to a show and not drinking and not getting anxious but it’s haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaardddddd
Okay, currently trying to muster the energy to stay on track and go to the gym before possibly getting punched in the face at tonight’s show. Hope everyone is having a great week!